In the dim light of evening
by QueenoftheWilderwest
Summary: After a hard day of responsibilities piling on top of one another, Hiccup breaks down in Astrid's arms.


He wasn't looking at her.

He kept his head bent, strands of brown hair flopping in front of his eyes, and when she tried to bend her head to look him in the eye, he twisted away from her.

When she'd seen him coming, Astrid had looked up with a warm smile, moving up from where she'd been sitting on the cliff edge, one hand stroking through Stormfly's spines.

"Hiccup!" she said, a smile spreading across her face. "I was just waiting for you."

"I have to reschedule our date," he said, shifting from foot to foot, his fingers fiddling with the edge of his tunic. "Stuff's come up."

"What stuff?" Astrid said, her hand reaching for his sleeve to try and get him to face her. He _still_ wasn't looking at her.

"Chief stuff," he mumbled. "I'm sorry. I was really looking forward to this, and you came all the way out here."

Astrid pulled herself up off the cliff edge, dusting her hands down across her skirts. "It's okay," she said, "it was good for me to get a flight in." She looked at him, her head titled to the side, braid falling down her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said, a hand carding through his hair. "Just got a lot of stuff to do. Gothi's refusing to see anyone again so people are panicking about colds. I still haven't heard back from the patrol unit I sent to check out the dragon cliffs, and I'm worried something's happened to them. Snotlout was supposed to check in, but he's nowhere to be found, and I-" his voice wobbled once, before it became much more strangled- "I don't know what to do."

Hiccup finally looked at her, and Astrid realised then why he'd been hiding them before: his eyes were red-rimmed and sore, filled with tears.

"Hiccup..." Astrid said softly, taking a few steps forward and pulling him into a hug.

"I can't do it, Astrid," he said, his voice barely a whisper. "I can't be him."

"You don't have to be him."

"I'm supposed to be as a good as him," Hiccup said. "He could have handled all of this. He _did_ handle all of this, and more."

Astrid pulled away from him just slightly so that she could look at his face, her hand curling around his cheek, deftly wiping away a tear with her thumb. "He was chief for a long time," she said. "No one expects you to be on top of everything all the time."

"But I _need_ to be," he said, the words burning in his throat. "Right now most of all. We're at our weakest. If Drago attacks..."

"We've beaten him before, we can do it again."

"It's not just Drago," Hiccup said with a sniff. "I don't know how to be chief. I don't know how to stand there while everyone watches and expects me to have an answer. I barely have time to breathe anymore, I haven't flown Toothless nearly enough." He pulled a hand through her hair, his thumb swiping across her cheek. "I never have time to see you anymore."

"You don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders," Astrid said, her hand reaching up to meet his, their fingers lacing together as she brought their hands down to their sides. "You're allowed to take a break. Please. Take a break."

She took a step forward, opening up her arms, and without even having to think Hiccup collapsed into them, her strong arms wrapping around him, catching him before they both keeled over. His arms quivered as they wrapped around her, his voice shaking as he pressed into her shoulder and said, "I miss him, Astrid. I miss him so much."

"I know," she said, her fingers stroking lines through his hair.

"I didn't appreciate him enough. I was always getting in his way—" his voice trembled as he spoke— "I was a disappointment."

"Your father loved you very, very much," Astrid said, clasping him tight, her mouth right next to his ear. "You were _anything_ but a disappointment."

Together they sank to the floor, Hiccup clinging onto Astrid has hard as he possibly could, like she'd disappear if he didn't hold on tight.

"I want my father back," he said. "I just want him back."

"I know."

"Don't leave me," Hiccup mumbled, his eyes flickering up at her, glossy and wet. "I don't think I could live anymore if something happened to you too."

"I won't," Astrid said, tears pricking in her eyes as she pulled him close again, "I won't leave."

And then, as the dim light of evening crept up onto the archipelago, Hiccup buried his head into Astrid's shoulder and wept.


End file.
